The Free Thinker

Truth in marketing is tough to find these days. When they're not outright lying to you they're either stretching the truth, exaggerating, or glazing over the bad spots. But don't worry, our good friends at Equality are on our side with...process cheese product.

That's right. I was at my local grocery store the other day and had a hunkering for Cheese Whiz. Being a starving wannabe student I went straight for the generic, most honestly named product I have ever encountered. I can just imagine the meeting where they finalized the name for this thing. Somewhere out there a high-paid exec thinks this was a great idea. Right off the top of my head I can think of four snappier names:

• Cheese Zip
• Cheesetastic!
• Cheese Louise
• Cheesus Christ

Okay, admittedly those all kind of suck. But I don't make $150,000 a year, it took me 30 seconds, and they're still better.

Deep down, I hope this is the start of a new trend. After all, wouldn't it be easier to shop for a car if one of the options was a Ford Crapbox? Would you still go to McDonald's if they named the Big Mac the Artery Sludge?

Consumer advocacy groups should really be pushing for stuff like this. After all, if companies refuse to give things that are bad for us disgusting names, how can we be expected to make the right choices?

PS The other shocking thing about this product: the first ingredient is actually cheese, and it's not spelled with a "z"!