Scamming like it's 1989

Every so often at work I have to pretend it's 1989 and saunter up to the fax machine. As I approached the discoloured piece of arcane technology yesterday I leafed through the small stack of junk faxes, as I often do.

Honestly, why are people bothering to send this 20th century version of spam? Do people trust some random ad they get through their fax machine. I mean, at least with email you can reach millions of people pretty quickly. With a fax you can send, at most, one per minute per phone line. Wow.

Anyways, as I was idly perusing the junk yesterday, I spotted something a little more entertaining than the usual vacation packages and Nigerian scams. Take a look at this (click to open full-size):

I don't even know where to begin poking holes in this thing. But let's give it a shot.

They increase their odds of winning by playing "intelligent numbers"...umm, what? As in some numbers are more likely than others? That's fundamentally not how the lottery works. They're all equally likely, stupid. The only way to beat the lottery is to rig it, or get unbelievably lucky. It's not a charity, folks.

It's said that the lottery is for people who suck it math. I say this is for people who suck at life.

They're pretty smart about the way they present it though.


See the whole limited-time offer thing is smart. Creating a sense of urgency makes people act before they think.

Now the problem is thus: It costs $10,000! I would really like to meet the person who has $10,000 yet is stupid enough to fall for this half-assed scam. If you have ten grand in the bank and you can't see through this, you don't deserve that $10,000.

In fact, I'm not even going to condemn the scammers, because the holes in this are so obvious that anyone who falls for it must be blinded by greed or incredibly stupid. I bet if they made it $1,000 to enter they'd get a lot more takers.

Regardless, it's nice to see some home-grown Toronto scams for once. At least the money's staying right here, am I right? That's gotta be good for the local economy!

One final word to anybody thinking about contributing to this "plan." If you're going to flush $10,000 down the toilet, at least do it in style. Rent some hookers, order some blow, and take it all on a flight to Luxembourg. Go on a bender to end all benders. Then you can look at your empty bank account and say "I may have wasted a ton of money, but at least I can't remember a fucking thing!"


  1. Jeff Skybar said...
    The sad fact is, there are those out there that will succumb to this scam, or something similar. And then have the audacity to go to the media when they get screwed. So there they cry and play the victim, when really it's their own stupidity for getting themselves into this. I don't have compassion for people who don't think before they act. Especially when it comes to any major financial dealings.

    But let me tell you about this product I am selling, it's all the rage. Better get on board, only $100,000 start up - cash only. The returns annually on your money range from 18-25% guaranteed!! Don't miss out, all the cool gay people are doing it, and you want to be cool right??

    And isn't "for ever", actually spelled "forever" in this instant? I don't really know as all of my tuition for spelling and grammer went to Quickstar back in the day.
    Jeff Skybar said...
    Grammar, I meant. See? Not that smart in spelling. But at least I got some neat Amway bottles.
    Threnody said...
    Exactly. Sure they're victims, but sometimes they're more victims of their own greed than anything else. I still have sympathy for the little old lady that gets ripped off by a contractor. But not this stuff.

    And yes it should be "forever." I'm guessing when you get into this business impeccable grammar isn't a job requirement :-P

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