Blame Alexander Fleming

Damn, I was doing so well. This weekend seemed like a slam dunk. Since I've been sick all week I thought it'd be easy to avoid going out. And it was. All week it was the last thing on my mind. And then something terrible happened.

I got better.

If I'd been sick just one more day I would've been home free. Where the hell is all that antibiotic-resistant bacteria when I need it?

Anyways, I went out to a bar Saturday night with a friend and had a decent time sober. Got home at 2 AM and went to bed. I set the alarm for 6 AM, got up, showered and headed you know where. It was funny, actually. I felt like such a fine, upstanding citizen walking down the street at 7:30 AM on a Sunday.

So I got there at 8 AM and started having a pretty good time. I figured I'd leave around four or so. Then it was five and I still didn't feel like leaving...Then one "sketch hour" later it was 9:30. And before I knew it was 2 AM. I was at the club for eighteen friggin' hours, smashing the sixteen hour record set the weekend before. I swear there's a rip in the space-time continuum in that dank basement of joy.

I had a blast, and I don't really regret it, but let's not make a habit of it, okay self? Regardless, a few lessons learned:

  • If you buy drugs in bulk to last you a few outings, you'll go out at every opportunity because in your mind you only have to pay for cover.
  • That mega-sketchy girl you remember from the first time you went to the Zone doesn't want to talk to you.
  • Don't lend your driver's license to somebody to crush up something, then forget about it and wander off.
  • Do take a picture of yourself with the sketchy bathroom attendant and show it to everyone.
  • People who would normally ignore you or be absolute pricks will turn sweet as sugar if you offer them gum.
  • Deko-ze is too busy when he's spinning to notice you blowing him kisses.
  • The club is way more fun in the late afternoon when there's actually room to dance.
  • Going out from 8 AM to 2 AM when you work at 9 is a bad idea, but you can pull it off if you really want to.
  • Of the people you'll meet in a night, at least half of the conversations will start in the bathroom.
That's all I can think of at the moment, but at least I didn't get gum in my armpit this time. Oh, and I can almost see my abs now. I've got washboard-mostly-immersed-in-water-but-still-barely-visible abs!

It'd probably be a good idea to take next weekend off, but unfortunately I've already bought my ticket for Rauhoffer, so that won't be happening. Looks like I'm going to have to go home the weekend after just to break the cycle.


Post a Comment