The Free Thinker

This just in: people love talking about sex. I'd say I spend around forty-five times more time talking about sex than I spend having sex. Yes, I'm including oral.

So in the spirit of keeping it up (teehee), take a look at these 21 things you didn't know about sex.

Now, to copy the list, add a little flair, and call it a day.

According to the Kinsey Institute, the biggest erect penis on record measures 13 inches. The smallest tops off at 1 3/4 inches.

I am terrified to report that I've fooled around with someone close to that lower bound. If you can call that fooling around. Really, I felt like a pedophile and he was my age. Should I call Guinness?

The most common fantasy is oral sex.

This is a pretty sad state of affairs, isn't it? Is it really that hard to get one of these in 2007?

8% of us have regular anal sex.

I'm guessing 7.9% of those surveyed were gay men. The other 0.1% were women saving the good stuff for marriage.

60% of men and 54% of women have had a 1-night stand.

40% of men were lying.

Women buy 4 out of every 10 condoms sold.

Because their partner insists on buying the extra-large magnum condoms to impress the cashier.

In 1609, a doctor named Wecker found a corpse in Bologna with two penises. Since then, there have been eighty documented cases of men similarly endowed.

I spent four seconds thinking about whether I'd want this, then vomited all over myself.

Men say the average erect penis is 10″. Women say it’s 4″.

Maybe if you took care of yourself it'd get up to full size, sweetheart.

A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.

On the other hand, back hair remains a powerful deterrent.

56% of men have had sex at work.

Quite frankly I don't see the appeal. Unless you're a stripper or something.

Among the Mangaians of Polynesia, 18-year-old couples make love an average of three times a night, every night, until their thirties, when the weekly average drops to a mere 14.

Sounds like somebody's been putting Viagra in the water supply.

1 in 3 of us have had an extramarital affair.

Never getting married. Seriously.

62% think there is nothing wrong with affairs.

Including me. I'm my father's son.

The maximum speed at which erotic sensations travel from skin to brain has been clocked at 156 miles per hour.

I want to read the grant application for this gem.

A honeymooning couple are suing Holiday Inn for ten thousand dollars, claiming their sex life is now dysfunction because an employee mistakenly walked in on them on their wedding night.

...And caught them dressed as furries. Seriously though, if your sex life was that fragile something was bound to fuck it up sooner or later.

At least 500 Americans die each year from asphyxia in an attempt to lessen oxygen flow to the brain in order to induce a more powerful orgasm.

Suddenly the fact that I have 90% of my sex high seems less perverse.

England’s King Edward VII, a man of considerable heft, had a special table built so that he could comfortably engage in sexual intercourse.

With the way the obesity epidemic is going these are going to be en vogue very soon.

29% of us are virgins when we marry.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA...yeah. Did they conduct this survey in Utah or something?

The average sexual experience lasts about 39 minutes.

"We wanted to go longer, but some asshole kept banging on the stall door!"

58% like dirty talk during sex.

Yup, count me in.

22% rent porno flicks at least once.

People still pay for porn!?

Given today’s average frequency of sexual intercourse, it would take the typical American couple more than four years to try every one of the 529 positions described in the Kama Sutra.

Honestly I still don't have a thorough understanding of how vaginal penetration works...And I hope I never do.