Soma time

Mirror mirror on the wall
Tell me why you make things fall
Mirror mirror look at me
Tell me why we disagree - The Wild Strawberries
I, like most people, spend a decent amount of time looking in the mirror. Here's what I've come to realize: When I look at other people I see what is physically there. I can tell what looks good and what doesn't. I can spot improvement or neglect. But when I look at myself in the mirror, what I see is more a reflection of how I feel about myself than anything.

Today I'm depressed. And when I look in the mirror I feel ugly.

There's not an ounce of rationality in that feeling. Which is why it's pretty much impossible for me to change it. I'm not a Vulcan.

Now on to the good part: As a druggie I can engage in a practice called self-medication. It's the proverbial patients running the asylum. Or, giving the prescription pad to the hypochondriac.

Is this a good thing or not? In the past it's been a good way to let off some steam and I'll feel better for a while after. In other cases I come home and crap on myself for doing drugs for the wrong reasons.

Of course a lot of people lose themselves in the cycle of drugs and depression, but I've managed to dodge that so far and I'm not nearly as stupid as I was this time last year. The danger has passed.

So I have access to a drug that will make me happy, pretty much no matter what. Whether it's good or bad, once you have the option it's difficult to turn it down.

Hell, I've been well behaved these past few weeks. I'm going to go out, dance my ass off and feel good. I can weigh the moral implications tomorrow.

Image courtesy of Wikipedia.


  1. altmike said...
    I like that you are so honest about where you are in relationship to drugs...and that you choose to share. (your thoughts, not your drugs).
    Jeff Skybar said...
    Well you're not ugly, so get that thought out of your head. You know how to handle drugs, I was in the same mindframe back in the day. That's good. YOu control the drug rather then the other was around.

    Now it's Monday....Did you shake your ass off at the bar and get lots of boys hanging around you?
    Anonymous said...
    What is the right reason to use drugs?
    Threnody said...
    The right reasons to do drugs:
    - Some sort of celebration (Pride, birthday, etc) - Unwinding after a long week
    - Because they're free (if they're free)
    - To make sex better/longer
    - Because you can't think of a reason not to
    Atari_Age said...
    Oh wow, I'm late reading this one, but I relate. Including the self-medication, though mine is mainly booze :p

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