Crackintosh

It may not be apparent with all the half-naked pictures and drug talk, but I'm a life-long computer geek. How hardcore am I? I once told a friend that if I accidentally dropped my computer bag into the Rideau Canal when it was barely above freezing I'd be hopping in after it. And I would too.

You're looking at someone who has hugged his computer on more than one occasion. I even named it after a Queer as Folk character I had a crush on. It's a terminal case, folks.

But hell, have you seen an iBook? It's an adorable little white chicklet. And how many people can say their computer always does exactly what they want?

I could, until yesterday. I came home from work after a tough day and Mac OS X needed to install an update. I said "go for it"...and something went wrong. The update program crashed. Then no other software would start. So I tried rebooting, and she never came back up. For someone who would rather go without food than his computer, this was not acceptable.

Long story short: I have to get me some install disks and it'll be fixed shortly.

It's funny though. Apple advertisers Macs as a trouble-free alternative to Windows, but my friends still seem to have a lot of problems. Mac users are just a lot more forgiving.

Let me put it this way: running Mac OS X is like being married to a really wild woman. She's dressed to the nines in designer clothes and when you're in bed you get the feeling you're in it together. She knows just what you want and she's happy to oblige. Once in a while she flies off the handle, but how could you stay mad when the makeup sex is this good?

Running Windows is like being married to...a bitch. She looks alright, but instead of buying designer clothes she shops at Winner's. She carries a clearly counterfeit Louis Vitton bag. She doesn't get upset any more often than the firecracker, but when she does she rips up all your photos and throws your clothes on the front lawn. You spend as much time trying to coax her into sex as you do having it, and she acts like she's doing you some big favour. She gets the job done but leaves you secretly bitter that she makes the simplest of tasks complex and stressful.

Have I carried that metaphor far enough yet? And thus ends the geekiest blog post I will ever write.

Nobody that reads this will ever sleep with me.

Image courtesy of Wikipedia.

8 Comments:

  1. dcthomasson said...
    I love the metaphor. Oh and by the way, thanks for the website for the workout routines.
    Jeff Skybar said...
    Well your metaphor is pretty bang on in my opinion. I'm buying a Mac Next year. I just bought a new windows computer last month...with that bloody Vista on it. I like the computer, It's nice, but I feel every home in North America should have both. I really do. Just like having two cars, one for work, one for pleasure. I just can't afford the new BMW....yet.

    And please what is this a pity party for nobody sleeping with you? C'mon If I was in Toronto I would probably have had the walk of shame in the morning a few times already....But I'm not, so I'll just go back to doodling and believing in inspirational messages. It's just as satisfying...really.....it is.

    Besides 18 year olds don't read books or blogs, they get read to. ;-)
    Kevin said...
    Skybar, stop doodling yourself on other people's comments! :)

    And I'm about to marry a nympho TONITE! My own little white chicklet. WOOF!
    Danifesto said...
    I loved the whole metaphor and all of it's many extentions! The only thing I couldn't relate to was the whole sex-with-girl thing... in my metaphor I would be the guy not caring whether the lady puts out or not, just as long as she looks fabulous and does her job- which would be chiefly the quick and speedy delivery of porn. jk!
    Kevin said...
    1) Got my Mac on last night.

    2) Let's putt-putt.
    Anonymous said...
    Adam, you are the king of the extended metaphor, this may be better even than the gay spaceship.
    Anonymous said...
    that was from me, Meaghan:)
    XCruciating said...
    Linux is like a woman in the final year of an MIT doctorate, you *have* to know Fast Fourier Transforms *in your head* before you can even attract a look. If you want to touch her, then you need to upgrade to String Theory. To have sex her, you better appeal to her deep down fantasies embedded in her kernel and be able to get her into a position where there is only a *black* and *white* world with no windows open.

Post a Comment