Annoying gym archetypes

Alright, after using my first blog post to make myself sound like a junkie, how about something a little less intense?

I go to the gym a fair bit, and in my many hours there I can't help but notice that there are a lot of annoying people there. Here's a rundown of the people that drive me batshit crazy:

  • The monopolizer: This one thinks he has exclusive rights to a piece of a equipment for a good 30-45 minutes, compadres be damned.

  • The multitasker: A variation of the above, this one likes to use three or four pieces of equipment at once, cycling between all of them and claiming ownership of all. Often he is also a....

  • Slow setter: The guy that takes 10 minutes between sets. Spends most of his time wandering around the gym or holding inane conversations. Which brings me to...

  • The chatterbox: Sees the gym as a social institution above all else. Won't stop talking about the most mundane, obnoxious topics. Pretends to know what he's talking about but is mostly just faking intelligence. Working out near one of these makes it pretty much impossible to concentrate. Bring a few of them together and you have...

  • The group dynamic: Take three or four of these ones and they'll take over a quarter of the gym for themselves. One of them will work out while the rest of them take a piece of equipment for furniture and yak like bored trophy wives.

  • The steroid freak: Looks like he's had cornish game hens grafted onto his biceps. Has way too much self-confidence despite looking like an over-inflated balloon.

  • The fat ass: He's borderline obese, but insists on doing lots of weight training while avoiding cardio altogether. Extremely proud of what he can bench press and completely oblivious to the disgustingness of his 45" waist.
And of course the gym wouldn't be the same without:
  • The creepy aging homosexual: Might not hit on you outright, but will still find many ways to creep you out. One guy at my gym held the button on the water fountain whilst I took a drink. May be less forward and just stare, or make pathetic attempt at conversation based on your t-shirt. Mostly harmless while working out but significantly more disturbing in the change room.
Just a warning to everyone: the YMCA has way more of these people than other gyms, in my experience. Despite what the Village People have told you, avoid it if you can. Don't end up like me!


  1. Anonymous said...
    Welcome to blogland! Sorry I haven't called in ages, I'm a terrible friend!

    Adam said...
    That's okay, I still owe you one Christmas present, so we're both terrible friends!
    Danifesto said...
    Hey there. First time commenter, first time visitor. Thanks for the point to your list. Fortunately I don't think I'm any of these guys. I don't generally do much in the weight room, just like 5 things and then I fart around on something else. I'm not passionate about the gym but I'm glad I'm doing it.
    AMEN on the creepy older gay guy comment! Older guys for the most part are really cool and yet there is that creepy one that ruins it for the rest! He somehow has confused the showers at the YCMA for the Steamworks! One of these days I'm just going to gently take him aside and give him directions there. They have a weight room there as well so it's all good and he'd have way better luck!

    Thanks for the comment and hope to chat again!
    Adam said...
    Wow that place really DOES have everything. All they need now is a dance floor and I'd never need to leave! Of course I've never been there and probably never will be, but it's always good to have options.

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