The Free Thinker

Alright, after using my first blog post to make myself sound like a junkie, how about something a little less intense?

I go to the gym a fair bit, and in my many hours there I can't help but notice that there are a lot of annoying people there. Here's a rundown of the people that drive me batshit crazy:

• The monopolizer: This one thinks he has exclusive rights to a piece of a equipment for a good 30-45 minutes, compadres be damned.


• The multitasker: A variation of the above, this one likes to use three or four pieces of equipment at once, cycling between all of them and claiming ownership of all. Often he is also a....


• Slow setter: The guy that takes 10 minutes between sets. Spends most of his time wandering around the gym or holding inane conversations. Which brings me to...


• The chatterbox: Sees the gym as a social institution above all else. Won't stop talking about the most mundane, obnoxious topics. Pretends to know what he's talking about but is mostly just faking intelligence. Working out near one of these makes it pretty much impossible to concentrate. Bring a few of them together and you have...


• The group dynamic: Take three or four of these ones and they'll take over a quarter of the gym for themselves. One of them will work out while the rest of them take a piece of equipment for furniture and yak like bored trophy wives.


• The steroid freak: Looks like he's had cornish game hens grafted onto his biceps. Has way too much self-confidence despite looking like an over-inflated balloon.


• The fat ass: He's borderline obese, but insists on doing lots of weight training while avoiding cardio altogether. Extremely proud of what he can bench press and completely oblivious to the disgustingness of his 45" waist.
  

• The creepy aging homosexual: Might not hit on you outright, but will still find many ways to creep you out. One guy at my gym held the button on the water fountain whilst I took a drink. May be less forward and just stare, or make pathetic attempt at conversation based on your t-shirt. Mostly harmless while working out but significantly more disturbing in the change room.